Self sabotage: How and why you should stop it

By Prathyusha Vedula

With a tight schedule, change in place, people, and work, I’ve been busy lately. This shift of routine by degrees led me to that point where I, unknowingly, started to self-sabotage.

Self-sabotaging is, unconsciously, working against the things that we consciously want them to happen.

I also got to see an eye-opening video on how we stop ourselves from climbing up the ladder to success, seize opportunities, and get intimidated by challenges. At the very point in life, we make career decisions, relationships, and imagine living our future in a certain way. That is when self-sabotaging barges into the way.

Let me share with you a few best self-sabotaging behaviors that we possess,  shared by @Nu_mindframe on Twitter. Take a piece of paper or just note how relatable are these to you.

1. Going to bed late knowing you have to be up early.

2. Sleeping in until the last minute knowing you have to rush later.

3. Checking your ex’s social media after a painful breakup.

4. Procrastinating on important, life-changing tasks.

5. Feeling too peaceful, so seeking out arguments.

6. Starting a goal and backing down from completing it as soon as you start to see success.

7. Constantly seeking out difficult partners who are emotionally unavailable or already in a relationship.

8. Contacting people for second chances knowing that they would reject you.

9. Spending money knowing that you have to pay bills with that.

10. Waiting until the last minute to eat and ending up grabbing junk instead of a healthy meal.

Scored 70%? No wonder if some of you got all of them right. It’s time we realize that we self-sabotage and it’s not at all healthy.

Let us first know the reasons we do it.

Why do we self-sabotage?

1. Fear of success

This is indifferent to what we also face- the fear of failure. Fear of success is to self-sabotage by putting in barriers in your very own path of success.  You do it because you are intimidated to face the consequences of success.

For example: If you are a blogger, you start to write your heart out and share your opinions. Gradually when your audience increases, you suddenly feel flustered as to if you should slow down, stop, or back on sharing true opinions. It’s because with the audience, the scope for criticism also grows and you fear it.

2. Fear of failure

This is a very obvious phenomenon. Though you are determined enough to try even though it is not promising, you give up in the middle.

It is just giving your 20% or so and backing off without trying out your best, thereby regarding it as your failure. This is very dangerous as it gives you a sense of satisfaction that you’ve tried but in reality, aha!

3. Feeling unworthy

Everything in your life goes so well until this little backstabber balloon pops up in your head. You feel unworthy. Feeling unworthy often hits people who tend to be perfectionists.

We are different people who share different opinions, knowledge, and approach. In this competitive world, trying to be a perfectionist won’t bear any fruit in that case where it leads you to feel you’re unworthy and unfit.

There are many other reasons why people self-sabotage depending on the individual. Now, let us see how we can stop doing it.

How to stop self-sabotage?

I did quite a lot of research on how people self-sabotage differently, the various ways to stop it, and so forth. That is when I came across a video which shared the three-step AHA process.

AHA- The process to stop self-sabotage

1. Awareness

In order to take action, one should be aware of his alarming state. Notice what’s pulling you back. Because if you do not cut down a plant from the root, it will grow up again. If your leg hurts, know that you’ve been punching it since ever.

2. Halt

Once you what’s pulling you back, stop, take a step back, and look into it. Consider all the options that lead you to negative thoughts. In the above case, stop punching your leg because that’s the reason it’s hurting.

3. Act

When you’ve already crossed the above two steps, half your work is done. Be conscious of what you’re doing. Take that move that empowers you or your work.

All these are petty obstacles but if unnoticed, grow to enlarge like a snowball rolling down the cliff.

In order to not stop yourself from achieving success, just be mindful to keep a check on your actions. Keep commitments, act socially appropriate and be reliable. Most importantly, regulate yourself leaving no scope for others to regulate you.